love is hate

always when i needed somebody to talk to, you're there. either on msn or facebook or skype. but just not quite the right person to talk to actually. still, im thankful. wait a minute, you're quite different from the rest too :)

i thought i was gonna have a very goodnight sleep after completing marketing's assignment, but no. went to bed. turned left, right, left, right, forced myself to close my eyes, BUT THE MIND JUST WON'T STOP WONDERING ABOUT THINGS and why it happened.

it's been a week and a half already. i should be getting over you by now, i know it myself. but when i'm alone at night, i can't help but to dream of the times we used to have. the stuff you bought me and the little things you did for me. it all matters now, at this very point of my life.

the day i left you, you said i will never find a better guy. well. i guess this is the only thing i can agree with you at the moment but then again = only to a certain extent. yes you've been a good guy friend or rather boy friend to me. you loved and cared for me like no other. BUT the things you hide from me are killing me bit by bit. do you know that? knowing the truth from your friends and not you hurts the shit out of me. to know you're not actually the guy i fell for hurts even more. all i see is a huge faked mask, trying very hard to please me. unfortunately i fell for it. also managed to get out of it before it's too late.

i don't understand. why must you tell lies? why can't you be truthful. at least eo me, for once. this day will come, you should already see it coming before getting to know me. what really pisses me off is the way you try to pull a lie when the truth is so damn obvious already. we know what happened and it shall remain like this for i don't see a point writing it out here and get your ass embarrassed.

if only you were a little more honest to me, things won't turn awful.
if only you didn't lose your cool, we'd be the awesome pair still.
if only you didn't raise your voice, i will not be stubborn.
if only you didn't threaten, we could be friends.

you see what you've done to this relationship of ours?
yes, im here to blame no one but you. no matter how many sorrys or forgivgeness you ask from me and everyone else, it's not gonna be sufficient. really, its not. if you think it is gonna change things then you are wrong, so damn bloody wrong. the damages you've caused is beyond bearable for any living soul in the face of this planet. on top of all this you know who you've hurt the deepest. and the scar shall remain.






i better get going. before chua sees me with dark circles tomorrow (i know you'll read) :D